How can i tell you how much you hurt me, that i don't feel safe near you. People say that one should always feel safe and welcome in their own world. you may travel the whole world, but shall always find your safe haven in your own home. And one can always find comfort i thy arms. But why do i feel so dispair, so lost.
Is it the aura, is it the past? Why is it haunting me? is it my heritage that is calling to me. Why do i care? I am broken, i can't do this anymore. I can't fight against it anymore. Should i give it up and stop fighting it?
Lately i feel very angry, i can't control it anymore, i just want to speak, but i can't because it feels verry self-centered egoistic. Knowing that, what i know. Am i allowed to feel this. To want this. Don't i deserve the affection as everyone else. Or at least the whole truth. Or should i remain silent for the rest of my life. Why do i feel like this. Why can't i just leave it in the past. Why should i feel like someone took something verry special and important from me. Why!, why did you lie to me, and let you let me lie, because of the facade u want to show. Is it worth it? I feel screaming, shouting, trapped but most of all disgraced, ashamed, damaged because you force me to feel that.
Is it worth it.
And this lets me think of a qoute that is saw the otherday. The saddes qoute from the funniest man on earth: I like to walk in the rain, so nobody can see my tears.
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